Danger! High Postage

The goddess that is PJ Harvey is playing at the Zenith in Paris on June 23rd!!!

Could there be a UK tour and album in the offing...?

Fingers crossed

If only Destiny's Child were Kittens from Northern England

If you're too lazy to sell your junk on ebay...

You can pay someone to do it for you

Found this via Anil Dash

Phase two of the 'ebay phenomenon' seems to have begun.

Auction Drop is a service in America, which has stores in California and New York, where if you can't be bothered to do the ebay selling yourself, you can drop it off and they will do it for you.....

To alphabetise or not to alphabetise? that is the question

After generally taking the piss out of people for years for putting their CD collections in alphabetical order - I am considering doing the same with my sidebar. This is despite me giving Katy a gentle ribbing about doing the same a couple of weeks ago.

I guess its just that as you get older, things for some bizarre reason start to look better in alphabetical order, or at right angles to each other, or not all over your bedroom floor. I wonder if anybody has ever done a study into this - they say a lot happens in your life as a result of your childhood, so is it some kind of attempt at harking back to those halcyon days when all you had to worry about was learning the alphabet and getting home in time to watch Chucklevision

I hope the above link doesn't shock you too much when it casually reveals that Chuckle is not actually Barry and Paul's real surname...

Personally I feel mislead and betrayed by BBC television, but at least I now see the real reason why Greg Dyke resigned...

Chucklegate!

The worst British film, ever?!?

After spending a very strange night in a pub in Digbeth, Birmingham, drinking Bitter with a load of middle aged film buffs, I am now compelled to go and watch Sex Lives of the Potato Men.
The film is written by Birmingham comedian and former schoolteacher Laurence Inman. He also plays the part of 'Bored bloke in porn shop'.

Could it be really that bad? I'm going to have to go and see it this week to find out as i'm sure it won't get a second week at the cinema.

By the way - is this the best headline you've ever seen? - 'Potato Sex Film Slammed'

Now this is interesting

One Hundred Albums You Should Remove from Your Collection Immediately

Found this entertaining and oh so controversial list over at the marvellous Link Machine Go.

Now Ten Summoner's Tales by the veruca infested fool Sting I agree with...

But Nirvana - Nevermind, nooooooo
Lou Reed - Transformer, nooooooo
Sonic Youth - Daydream Nation, noooooooo
Einstürzende Neubauten - Kollaps, ermmmmmm.....

I've just noticed that the Blogger spellchecker tells me to replace Bergerac with Beserk.....

All i've got to say on the matter of yesterdays derby game is Stern John is a legend!
The man misses more goalscoring opportunities than i've watched episodes of Bergerac. But there he was, two yards out, a predator in the box, firing home in injury time - what a hero.

That means we are still unbeaten in local derbies in the Premiership and are now just five points off the Champions League with a game in hand and still have a negative goal difference.....!

The forces are evil are gathering, they are getting ready to take over - no i'm not talking Lord of the Rings, i'm talking table football.
Manchester University and UMIST are merging at the end of the academic year - meaning that their two respective table football societies will also have to merge.
Manchester club President Jon 'The Power' Ashley is completing his course and going to go and do his PHD, leaving the way clear for 'the Mervyn King of Table Football', Alex 'The Sh*t Shoveller' Shovelton and his concealed tube of WD40 to take over the new society.
This man must be stopped at all costs, by force or stealth. But he will be a difficult man to stop, legend has it he broke his own wrist to get a better twist on his table football shot.

But we must unite and stop his evil plan. The Stop Shovelton Campaign starts here...!

I've only just realised that one of my articles is up in the University of Central Lancashire journalism homepage - doh!

Lawro's Alternative PredictionsFor all readers of the BBC Sports website and people who generally wonder how Mark Lawrenson continues to be regarded as a top level football pundit, check this out

Marco Pantani RIP
I don't think I know anyone out of my friends who is a fan of professional cycling - but one of my all time sporting heroes was found dead at the weekend. He won the Tour De France and the Giro D'Italia in the same year - 1998. That's kind of like doing the double in football before the 1990's. He was an amazing mountain climber on the bike - one of the best of all time....
Sure he was dogged by drugs allegations - but who hasn't been in cycling...it just seems that he was picked out more than others. The Tour De France won't be the same without him...

The Bloggies

The nominations for the Bloggies are out - you can see them here, I've got my favourites, what about you?
Winners to be anounced on March 15th

Stickman Murder Mystery
Link shamlessly stolen from Lancaster's number one blogger Andy's Octagonal Orations
This is the missing link between Columbo and Childrens BBC - genius

Website of the Day
Mad Annie's Bus spotting page
This woman is obsessed. I particuarly like the page aptly entitled Lancashire Madness, where she has some photos of Preston. And expecially near the bottom of that page where she says she chose the spot to take her photos to 'avoid the bus station cliche'.

What exactly is the bus station cliche? - I'm tempted to email her to find out...

It's been a crazy old weekend with the radio debut of AHEM!, DJ Bergerac and me getting on the wrong train and accidently ending up in Wigan, which is kind of the best way to end up in Wigan I guess, where I met a man who we will call Psycho 2 (more on him later).
Sadly I did not see the pier in Wigan, which claims to be the second longest in Europe, after the one in Poland that we discovered on Saturday, but as it is actually inland - does it actually qualify as a pier?

On the more contentious bus route issue, I found an website claiming that Manchester's Oxford Road was the busiest bus route in Europe and not the much vaunted number 50 Birmingham City Centre to Moseley route.
Preston's claim to fame is of course having the biggest bus station in Europe, but when that gets knocked down - which city will takeover - or will Preston, in a New York, world trade centre style, build an even bigger one.
Not that i'm suggesting that Preston's fine bus station should ever be attacked by terrorists - but then who knows what will happen on the streets of Preston when John retires.

So yeah I went to an amazing Peter Saville exhibition at the Urbis gallery in Manchester. The museum itself is pretty cool - but does fall into the classic Mancunian trap of believing their city is the best in the world. It even falls into the age old habit of claiming Manchester is bigger then Birmingham by using the classic 'Greater Manchester Get Out Clause'. Well if Gary Neville is claiming Stockport and Oldham , we're counting Wolverhapton and Coventry - ALRIGHT?!

I'm gonna post some more exciting pictures tomorrow now I have got a webhost for my photo's!

John's back!

And this time, it's personal

New Guns N' Roses album!!!
But it's only a greatest hits... :-(

Ebay Gum (c)Paul Ansorge
Well it seems the fact that I pay my rent by selling items on ebay is causing a stir here in sleepy old Preston. I've had several requests for interviews from news hungry journalism students in the past few days. I know i'm not the first student to pay for their education through ebay, but in Preston, with traffic chaos at an all time low now there are two traffic wardens on the job, news is thin on the ground.

But in a new twist to the tale it appears that by using the university computer network for commercial purposes, I am in direct breach of university computer regulations....... I'm looking over my shoulder now as I process Paypal payment for the legendary Iron Maiden Double Live album.

I hope they don't send Barton and Kirkham after me, they the Starsky and hutch of the North West!

Psycho watch
I think today is the day to start a new irregular column in this Blog called Psycho Watch - dedicated to those men (for it always men) who come up and aggressively talk at you in pubs.
Today I spent the day mooching around Preston market with stops in several drinking establishments and a few games of Table Football with my friend Dean...

Psycho 1
I met Psycho 1 in the Market Tavern. Whilst drinking a pint of Dark Bitter he accosted Dean by throwing a copy of the 'What's on in Preston' Magazine at him. Barely giving us time to note that Jimmy White was playing an exhibition match against Alex the Hurricane Higgins next month, Psycho 1 addressed us with the shout of OI STUDENTS! I began to think we had made a mistake by coming into this pub, but with around 3/4 of a pint left we were trapped here for a few minutes yet.
Psycho 1 had strange delusions - he seemed to see the Isles of Scilly and the Isle of Man as some sort of promised land and seemed the think that they were some kind of haven for the wealthy (perhaps he was confusing them with Jersey - obviously doesn't watch enough Bergerac). I began to suspect that Psycho 1 had perhaps had a bad experience with a small British island (possibly the Isle of Wight) and thought that they were all in some kind of collusion against him.

Psycho 1 then went into a tirade about how crap the country was and it needed something to come and shake it up - he then said something along the lines of "it might take the BNP to do it, but something needs to be done".

Telltale signs of a pub Psycho #1 - He mentions a far right wing political party in casual conversation to someone he's just met.

At this point I was shaking my head quite vigorously and trying to finish my pint as quickly as possible, but this only served to spur psycho 1 on. He edged his stool closer to us and raised his voice ever higher as he began to tell us that the old people and the student should get together in some kinf of alliance to bring down the government. The over 60's and under 25's together in WAR!

Presumably they would storm parliament in armored stairlifts whilst we would carry the zimmerframes ready for hand to hand combat and look after the Werthers original.

Psycho 1 then went into a tirade about students saying that all universities were useless and that he had studied for 3 and a half years before dropping out of university - And look at him now!
After he attatacked virtually every minority group imaginable I felt it was time to leave

As we made our way out of the pub he fixed us with the most honest stare he could muster and said "remember what I said lads" before winking at us in a leering manner.

Needless to say I won't be visiting that pub again.

Later in the day I passed him on the street and he was with a woman probably his wife - he greeted me with a friendly "alright son" - I ignored the racist psycho...

Sometimes people scare me

Fans of Peter Andre might want to check out this auction on ebay

Let's play Rugby League!
On Friday I went to Chorley and saw 26 men rolling around in the mud, fighting each other - I also went to a rugby league match
*drum roll*

This is perhaps the most northern thing ever - but if anyone thinks I have a glamarous life then just bear in mind:
It was in Chorley
It was pissing it down with rain
It was a grim evening

The reason that I want was that aswell as ticking it off my northern rights of passage list, the match was between Chorley Lynx and Lokomotiv Moscow.

For some bizarre reason 2 Russian teams are allowed enter the Rugby League cup, and Lokomotiv had the dubious pleasure of travelling to Chorley.
If I closed my eyes for a moment I could have almost been in an episode of Phoenix Nights. And when the stadium announcer came on to the pitch before the game and bellowed "Let's play Rugby League" in the most Lancastrian voice ever, that just about sealed it.

The most entertaining part of the match for me was whenever a player scored, the stadium announcer would shout the players name but always follow it with his sponsor for instance - "that try was scored by Mark Johnson sponsored by Adlington conservatories"

I tried to strike up a conversation with some Russians in the crowd but their grasp of English proved to be only slightly better than my Russian. Though I did manage to gather that it was much colder in Moscow than it is in Preston - and that they were fans of TATU!

The gas lighter man
When I was on my way to the post office today in the city(AHEM) centre I noticed a strange phenomenon, the gas lighter man. Standing outside Wilkinsons is a small, slightly dishevelled man selling lighters at five for £1.
There is nothing amazing about this you might think...but I later found out that the prices of the lighters seem to fluctuate throughout the year. Maybe it is seasonally, or maybe due to supply and demand.
Perhaps there is a shortage of cigarette lighters in the Lancashire area - Mr gas lighter man will then sell 4 for £1. Or what about if the market is suddenly flooded with cheap lighters - the price then drops to an all time low of 6 for £1. Apparently he also sometimes diverges into socks and elastoplast.
Who would have thought that a guy selling crappy lighters could provide such an excellent example of Laissez faire free market economics...

I challenge you not to laugh at this survey
Intersting that 10% of people think the word God is swearing or very offensive language. Hmmmmmmm

Preston traffic news - update
A source of mine spotted John the Traffic Warden doing what he does best in Preston the other day. This puts to rest my theory that John had either been killed off or retired from the parking ticket business.
However another source told me that Preston has a new Traffic Warden on the block - thus increasing the total number in the whole of Preston to two.
I have yet to see this new rival to John in action and am not yet convinced of the accuracy of this information - but trust me readers, when I find out, you'll be the first to know!

'Spandex Trousered Anticipation'

My cock rock loving Indian mate Krishna was simply blown away by my Iron Maiden live double LP that I am selling on ebay. When I told him that I bought it from Preston market he said "Do they have more like this?" and his face lit up in spandex trousered anticipation.

He was gutted when I told him that I hadn't got a record player and so couldn't listen to it. He was also possibly annoyed with me for buying cock rock records purely for commercial gain - thereby cashing in and making what economists possibly don't call 'mullet money'.

I haven't told him yet that Queensryche are on tour this summer....

DENIED
Preston Guild Hall have refused to give me free tickets to see Robot Wars on tour - i'm gutted!

Wow, i'm currently in the process of lineing up an interview with the band Ash. I've been emailing the bands management and hopefully its all set up for before their Preston gig in a couple of weeks - i'm just waiting for a call to confirm! I'm a bit nervous about meeting rockstars, but i'm determined to find out their favourite sort of cheese.
Also I need to decide who I want to interview - i'm thinking maybe the drummer because he seems pretty interesting and crazy...I wonder if he's still got a mohican...?
Anyone got any suggestions for questions?

People my age are forever being told we should invest in the property market on all those TV programmes like 'spanish loft conversions property ladder auction' or whatever they are called. Well that's a little out of my league at the moment but I have decided to invest in the laundry market instead. Me and my Indian housemate have gone halves on a lovely clothes drier. The intention is for me to 'buy him out' when he goes back to Bombay in the summer. It's just too much to handle in one day, the responsibility of having my first foot on and laundry ladder and dry clothes too!

I've noticed a distinct trend with the items i'm selling on ebay. I'm talking Germans.
In a bizarre rehash of the whole holiday/sun lounger/beachtowel situation. German people tend to come and bid really early for my stuff. But in a cunning reverse of the beachtowel scenario, bidding first on ebay is not usually the best thing to do. British bidders come in later and metaphorically throw the brightly coloured (but perfectly ironed) towel into the pool, by sniping in with a late higher bid!
Some would call it karma.