Friday, December 26

The Bells The Bells
There is alot of percussion going on our house today - after my sister was given a cow bell for xmas. People take note - the cow bell is the must have percussion accessory of next year. We decided to make a percussion supergroup with me on the triangle, but after a couple of minutes and ringing ears we realised that this wasn't the best thing to do for our sanity.

Exciting presents I have recieved include
A Bargain Hunt board game
A new woolly hat!
And a Hanson video (hmmmmm)

In tribute to all of the Christmas Cards that are being held in sorting offices around the country because they haven't got enough stamps on them, i've changed the name of this Blog!

Remember - always weigh to be on the safe side!

Wednesday, December 24

After recieving the Extreme Ironing book for Xmas, the question I ask myself is - has Extreme Ironing sold out and become too commercialised?

Have the book deals and the TV programmes diluted the essence of the 'fastest growing white goods extreme sport' in the world? Are people these days simply going into the sport for the money and free ironing accessories that come with the large sponsorship deals being given out to any young ironist who can press a shirt whilst up a mountain?
I for one yearn for the purer days of the sport when you could go to your nearest fast flowing river and iron a pair of pants without the glare of media attention upon you.

With more and more money flowing into the professional ironing game in countries who are major ironing forces such as the UK, Austria and Germany. How are smaller countries with less ironing facilities equipment and plug sockets supposed to compete?

Sunday, December 21

Ikara Colt comeback

My favorite angular noise-makers Ikara Colt are releasing a new single and album early next year!

Also, in a delicious limited edition deal Fantastic Plastic are offering Ikara Colt's debut album Chat and Business along with their seminal 5 track Basic Instructions EP for the bargainous price of 8 English Pounds - a must for all post punk xmas stockings.

Talking of bargains, I got the surprisingly playable Bargain Hunt board game for Xmas - I remember when 'The Dickinson' was an underground phenomena known only to the unemployed and elderly. I used to rush back from the dole office to watch the unmissable lunchtime show - those were the days.

So i'm learning this HTML business and have made a few cosmetic changes to the page - if anyone knows how to add a little messageboard/bar thingy in the right hand column then let me know.

The startling discovery of the day is that my local MP, Tom Watson, has his own Weblog here - I wonder if one of his humble constituents can get a link from his page. For the sheer novelty of a politician talking to his constituents, it has earned a coveted place on my Fave Blogs list along with:

Call Centre Confidential - A must read for anyone who has ever worked in an office

Top Five TV Detectives

4.Jessica Fletcher
3.Starsky & Hutch

Friday, December 19

So i'm back in Birmingham for Christmas - woohoo. I never thought i'd see Birmingham as a big cosmopolitan city, but after 3 months in Preston, that's exactly what it is. I'm afraid England's newest city is just about lacking in everything compared to Birmingham - apart from of course Barm Cakes

I just watched a repeat of Room 101 on UK Gold where John Peel - esteemed Radio God was saying that men don't get colds - they get Flu! and just sit around moaning all day. Well yes I have a cold so I couldn't go to the My Ruin gig tonight. Oh Well

Well as I have just left Preston, I feel it is my duty to update you all on the parking situation which is so dominant in everyday Preston life.

For those of you not in the know about all things parking and Preston - WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
In Preston, parking is what may be called in Partridgesque local radio circles a 'hot local issue'. There is very little parking anywhere in the (AHEM) city, especially near the university - where I live. Needless to say the local residents are "up in arms" (TM all local newspapers ever) and there has been "Parking chaos" on the streets on Preston.

Here's the delicious irony - there is only one full-time traffic warden in the whole of Preston - his name is John, number 702. He's a no nonsense kind of guy, firm but fair - all the qualities you would look for in you ideal Traffic Warden - were you ever to be on a committee or something.

Well dear reader, who broke this shocking news first?
It was your humble narrator, who published it a full 9 days before the Lancashire Evening Post nicked my story! - where have the ethics gone in tinpot local journalism?

What I also learned from interviewing John (number 702) -aside from the fact that he can smell a car parked on a double yellow from up to a mile away - is that when he retires in April, there will be a full month of there being no traffic warden until the clamp-happy private company take over in June.
I hereby label this 'window of reckless parking opportunity' THE GREAT PRESTON PARKING TIMEBOMB!

So what are the Council planning to do to ease Preston's parking nightmares?
That's right, build a new multistory...
Where are they going to build it?
Right outside my back garden!

Is my parking karma catching up with me?
Or are there more sinister forces at work?
Do I sense the hand the local paper or the council in this decision? - Trying to make me pay for exposing this Preston parking scandal

Don't worry dear reader - your trusty narrator will find out...

Thursday, December 18

Personally, I think that laser quest should be used to solve international conflicts and disputes

Just strap all of the international leaders into the backpacks and just throw them into the laser arena (preferably the one in Acocks Green Birmingham) - who ever gets the highest score wins.

I don't think Bush would be very good at the game - probably trying to figure out how you actually fire the gun and muttering about "lasers of mass destruction"

Blair would be OK - but he would go around making alliances with everyone and in the end get shot many times.

The Japanese leader would be good at hiding in concealed places

Jacques Chirac would be OK I reckon as long as he found a good sniping position - but if he had to move his bulky frame around he would be an easy target.

In my view, in this game of international leader laser-tag, there would only be one winner:

Not only does Vladimir Putin have a KGB background, he also looks handy with a gun and would shoot you as soon as look at you.
Russia would again become a world superpower!

So go on Mr Bush and Mr Blair, what are you afraid of?

I hereby begin the campaign to use Laser Quest (Acocks Green) to solve international conflicts!

Top Five alternative uses for an artificial leg

5. A handy umbrella stand
4. A golf club
3. A periscope
2. Fashion it into a digeridoo
1. Add wheels and enter into the next series of Robot Wars

Admittedly its lack of a 'flipper' and a 'self-righting mechanism' may prove to be a disadvantage. However - its creative design may just surprise one or two people.
Plus it will no doubt provide the added bonus of some classic Jonathan Pearce commentary!

Spot the Difference!!!

Scream Pubs = Evil

Are 'It's a Scream' pubs the most evil thing since Skeletor from the He-man cartoons?
Their only redeeming (if misleading) feature was the Munch painting outside. Now with those banished and replaced with the evil corporate yellow 'Scream' Circles, there is nothing left to recommend these pubs.
Why do I suddenly hate them so much?

Is it the bright yellow walls and the varnished pine flooring that feature in most of them? Posssibly, but i've always had a soft spot for Norwich City and I prefer pine to say... MDF.

Is it because they are invariably filled with slacker students playing pool badly and posing in their expensive trainers (obviously paid for by their mothers if they are so much in debt)?

Is it the ubiquitous video Jukebox pumping out shite pop like Atomic Kitten and watered down indie like those Australian 'rock' nethedrals - Jet?

Is it the YELLOW CARD? - The sneaky way that they get everybody apart from students to pay more

Is it they way they take previously nice pubs and turn them into standardised bright yellow tackfests, thus removing all traces of character and individuality?

Or is it the fact that the Queen of Hearts in Manchester tried to charge me two English pounds just to play on the Q quiz machine - when there were only about two other people in the whole pub. It was a Tuesday night - nobody goes out on a Tuesday do they?

Or is Tuesday the new Wednesday?

Wednesday, December 17

I was in Manchester yesterday and I saw a broken in half vinyl copy of 'Boy' by U2 on the roadside.

A sad metaphor for their once promising career?
Had the album been thrown away in disgust by a once loyal fan - disillusioned with the commercial smugfest their career has now become?
Or did it just slip out of someone's bag?

You decide!

Thursday, December 11

Hi everyone, this is my new Weblog - i'm just testing it out at the moment!