Tuesday, September 27
Those of you that use public transport in this great city will be fully aware of the phenomenon that is Polish Bus Drivers.
They began as a rumour, a legend whispered in the darkened alleyways and avenues of the second city - but like unicorns and Emile Heskey surviving 90 minutes without falling over, nobody had actually seen them.
Then, suddenly they were everywhere. You can't get on a bus these days without a gruff Eastern European man saying "Vwan ten" when you brandish your wallet at him questioningly.
Independent bus company Pete's Travel is seemingly staffed entirely by Polish drivers. If you haven't been on one of Pete's clapped out old bangers, then you really haven't lived. In Birmingham you can tell who commutes by Pete's Travel - they are usually the ones wandering around clutching their backs in agony after their boneshaking ride...
Polish bus drivers do a sterling job, but conversation with them can at times be difficult and limited.
Don't worry though - help is at hand with the Danger! High Postage Guide To Conversational Polish To Use On The Bus (DHPGTCPTUOTB):
I'm sorry I don't have the correct change
Ja jestem zalujace, nie mam poprawny zmiana
Do you stop near the Bull Ring?
Robi wy przerywacie przy spekulant otaczać?
Do you accept Zlotty?
Robi wy przyjmujecie zlotty?
Would you like a crisp?
Byłby wy lubicie crisp?
What have you got on your sandwiches?
Co ma wy posuwaliście się wasze sandwicze?
Were you upset when Joy Division changed their name from Warsaw?
Byly wy przewracaliscie kiedy Rozdzielanie Radosci zmienial ich imie from Warszawy?
Driver, you have a beautiful hat, can I try it on?
Kierowca, wy macie piękny Kapelusz, może prÃ³buję to na?
On the subject of Birmingham buses - Buscasting with Dubber and Spoons
Which bus route will win the coveted title of Danger! High Postage Bus Route of the year? You'll have to wait to find out, but the Polish influence may be decisive...