Monday, March 7

Patio banter
I moved into my house in Nottingham for a week and already the neighbours have been round to inform me that their patio heater was stolen last weekend. "Oh, I moved in last week!" I replied to them cheerfully and possibly not wisely - elevating myself to chief suspect status.

It appears the blighters used our garden bench as a getaway to get the heater over from next door.

It probably seems to strange to say, but I do seem to be more aware of crime living it Nottingham. Weirdly I felt much safer in Birmingham - maybe it's because I know the city, I don't know.

The area I live in is OK, but is bordered on both sides by rough areas (as it appears most alright places in the city are). So I am fine as long as I go straight on and don't turn left or right. A trip to Asda in Hyson Green at lunchtime has already led to an encounter with a drunken middle aged woman brandishing a can of Special Brew. I shall be looking for alternative places to buy my groceries from now on.

Whilst here, I've already recruited Ben to write an excellent article about DH Lawrence and used Katy and Squib's brilliant Million Dead photos from the Truck Festival last year to illustrate an interview with singer Hairy Frank.

Also if you fancy a laugh, why not listen to Mansfield Town caretaker manager Carlton 'Former England International' Palmer having a nervous breakdown and seemingly on the verge of tears after their disappointing draw at the weekend.