Tuesday, October 19
The world of football punditary and commentary has been a veritable wasteland since the demise of Ron 'Kilroy' Atkinson - well do not fear - as a sort of memorial to the great man Danger Here has finally catalogued the last drops of Ronglish.
Ronglish Lesson 12: Bursting Bloodvessels, Cruelty To Defenders Act, Bagatelle Football
Ronglish Lesson 13: Double Banking Job, Beaver, Droppings
Ronglish Lesson 14: Gambler's Run, Little Shellholes, Slept In
Ronglish Lesson 15: Big Out, Big Up, Blatter
And finally Danger Here dissects The future of Ronglish but neglects to mention a certain manager who is inventing is own football language.
The Young Pretender
QPR manager Ian Holloway is becoming known for his 'Ollyisms' or The Art of the ill-judged metaphor in pre and post match interviews. Here are a few examples:
On a poor performance during a pre-season friendly
"When you play with wingers you look a bit like a taxi with both doors open, anyone can get in or out"
On QPR's bad start to the season
"In football, there is no definite lifespan or time span for a manager. After a while you start smelling of fish. The other week it looked like I was stinking of Halibut!"
On big man Georges Santos
"He's a big lad, he can clean out your guttering without standing on a ladder"
On easing Danny Shittu back from injury
"The games are coming thick and fast for him. I've told him to go down to Iceland and ask if he can sit in one of their freezers."
After the "ugly" win against Chesterfield
"To put it in gentleman's terms if you've been out for a night and you're looking for a young lady and you pull one, some weeks they're good looking and some weeks they're not the best. Our performance today would have been not the best looking bird but at least we got her in the taxi. She weren't the best looking lady we ended up taking home but she was very pleasant and very nice, so thanks very much lets have a coffee"
When asked to predict a result
"I am a football manager I cant see into the future. Last year I thought I was going to Cornwall on my holidays but I ended up going to Lyme Regis"
On the abuse Gino Padula gets from away fans
"Everyone calls him a gypsy but I can assure you he doesn't live in a caravan. He has a house with foundations"
"You can say that strikers are very much like postmen: they have to get in and out as quick as they can before the dog starts to have a go."
On The Clubs financial position
'It's like the film Men in Black. I walk around in a black suit, white shirt and black tie where I've had to flash my white light every now and again to erase some memories, but I feel we've got hold of the galaxy now......it's in our hands.''
On playing defensive players in midfield
"It's all very well having a great pianist playing but it's no good if you haven't got anyone to get the piano on the stage in the first place, otherwise the pianist would be standing there with no bloody piano to play!"
On former Blues striker Paul Furlong
"I liken Paul to a magnificent bottle of wine. You take your time and you leave it in the cellar until you want to pluck it out and it just gets better and better."
And the strangest of all
"I used to keep parakeets and I never counted every egg thinking I would get all eight birds - you just hoped they came out of the nest box looking all right"
Many more 'Ollyisms' can be found here