Wednesday, September 29

On the run from the library police
I have a problem and it involves library books, maybe you could give me some helpful advice?

Now recently I got a book entitled Dave Gorman's Googlewhack Adventure out of one of the many libraries in Birmingham. Some of you may have read it, the beginning of it seemed quite good, but sadly I never got to finish it.

I obtained the book during one of my 'Library Crawls', so I can't remember which library it's from. It could be Mere Green but it doesn't matter...in fact it's irrelevant.

So here's the thing - I left it on a train bound for London. Not a problem I thought...Virgin Trains efficient lost property service will be able to help me, but sadly after about 4 trying I have not got anybody to answer the phone. "They're out collecting lost property" other Virgin staff have assured me. That's all very well but how do I get it back? The old man who runs the 'service' (for it has to be an old man) is probably chortling to himself about the huge library fine I am faced with as we speak...because of course all people who work in lost property offices are either evil or ex-members of Britpop bands.

So there we have it, some ex-member of Menswear has my library book and I have no way of getting it back. So what do I do? From what I can see, I have three options.

1. Go to the library 'fess up, take it on the chin and pay the fine.

2. Go to the library and when they ask for the book back say something along the lines of 'Oh that Gorman one, I brought it back a few weeks ago. Does it say i've still got it? Well your computer is wrong there luv'

3. Keep renewing the book indefinitely like a big coward.

Option three is what I am favouring at the moment, but we all know it can't go on forever and sooner or later they will want it back.

Someone told me that once their library fines were so much that the 'Library Police' were sent round to collect all their overdue books.

Now a crack team of glasses wearing cops in tank tops ransacking my house is not something I want to experience...so what do I do? Help me dear readers, help me!