Saturday, June 12

The European Mullet Championships
Well yes everybody judges football by the number of goals scored. Goals, PAH! Goals are for squares.....in my eyes, the winner of these 'ere football championships will be the team with the most mullets.

The championship started slowly with a mulletless draw between Portugal and Greece. However, things picked up in the evening game. Spain and Russia, were quickly locked at one a (hair) piece, with each team having a mullet. In the second half, Spain upped the ante by bringing on Fernando Torres, a man who looked like he's spent a fair bit of time grooming his blonde streaked mullet for the occasion. Russia had no answer to this, leaving Spain to win 2-1 and top the table at these early stages.

Tomorrow sees England enter the contest, though they are unlikely to be challengers unless someone plays a cruel trick on Ian Walker while he is asleep.

Next week favourites Bulgaria will be hoping to make a mark on the competition. Although without inspirational be-mulletted captain Ivan Ivanov (pictured above) who has retired his mullet from football, the Bulgarians and their team of cowboy barbers will still be a force to be reckoned with. As is usually the case, the main opposition will also come from those cut price Eastern European hairdressers of Croatia and the Czech Republic, with dark horses (light donkeys), Latvia not to be ruled out.

European Mullet Championships Standings
Spain 2
Russia 1
Greece 0
Portugal 0