Thursday, March 25

Morrissey bans kebabs shocker

Morrissey has banned all meat products from his forthcoming gig at the MEN arena.

The be-quiffed one is quoted as saying: "It would be hypocritical to sing 'Meat Is Murder' amid smells of hamburgers."

The recent documentary on the Mozster featured him saying the immortal line "I only ever eat toast", so perhaps the gig will be the start of something I have been campigning for over a long period of time, Toast vending machines. Like a can machine - you put in your money, choose your spread and/or jam flavour and it makes up the toast for you.